Living on the edge of the neuroverse
Seeing through their eyes
Beyond "Lack of Discipline": Understanding the ADHD Brain
ADHD isn’t a lack of discipline or motivation. It's fundamentally a difference in how the brain manages focus, emotion, and decision-making. For too long, adults with ADHD have lived with years of misunderstanding, often labeled as disorganized, forgetful, or inconsistent.
The Interest-Based Attention System
The core of the difference lies in the brain's attention system. For a neurotypical person, attention is typically importance-based. They can buckle down and focus on tasks—even boring ones—because they are important for a job, a goal, or a deadline.
For the ADHD brain, attention is often interest-based. Focus is easily ignited by novelty, passion, urgency, or challenge. This isn't a choice; it's a neurological reality. This subtle but profound shift in perspective changes everything. You begin to see behavior not as defiance, but as difficulty; not as avoidance, but as overwhelm.
💡 "What looks like carelessness is often exhaustion from trying to manage life in a world built for neurotypical brains."
Recognizing this isn't about excusing behavior; it's about accurately identifying the source of the struggle. Your goal is to learn to observe, not diagnose—and to develop empathy that leads to genuine collaboration and support.
📝 Worksheet: Through Their Eyes
Building empathy requires actively shifting your perspective.
Use these questions to explore your family member, friend, or partner's experience through a new lens.
Purpose: Build empathy by viewing your ADHD family member's experience differently.
When does my ADHD friend/partner/family member seem most energised or at ease? (Look for moments of hyperfocus, genuine interest, or low-pressure environments).
When do they appear most overwhelmed or distracted? (Consider transitions, routine tasks, or environments with too many demands).
What assumptions do I make about their motivation or intentions in those moments? (e.g., "They don't care," "They're being lazy," "They're choosing to forget").
How might those assumptions change if I viewed ADHD as a neurological difference rather than a personality flaw?
What might "understanding" look like in action? (e.g., Offering to body double, creating external reminders, breaking down large tasks, or simplifying their environment).
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